yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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