I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
