That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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