He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
