Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize