my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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