Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
