All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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