I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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