can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
