I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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