dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
