Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
high people should be assigned attendants
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
