shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Randomize
