somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just found puke in my bra..
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
