No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Houston, we have a blender
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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