I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize