i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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