I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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