You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize