just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
