if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
