im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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