I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
