watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
