I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
