I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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