what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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