This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
