I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
