eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
