remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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