Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
