I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
