U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
