grandma shit on top of the toilet
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
