if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
