i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
