Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
