Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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