If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
