Someone shit on the floor
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
