You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Are we still banned from the library?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
