Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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