He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
