May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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