I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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