The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
