apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
