dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
