I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
