all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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