all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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