The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
