I just saw a hot homeless man
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
