just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
