He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
