Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
