Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
