I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
