fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize