In the future we'll all be gay
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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