I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize