If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
