How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
