funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize