i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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