Already got asked if we're dating
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
