I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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