I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
