I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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